An update, a name, a heart that’s about to explode

**Warning: Pregnancy update.**

Today I am 32 weeks, 6 days. I often look back, get wistful, and wonder how I got here.

The first trimester went by at a snail’s pace. I was worried every second of every day. I just wanted to close my eyes and get through it. When so many women want their first trimester to be over because they are sick, I just wanted it to be over so I could let out the breath I had been holding. I cried at my 12 week appointment when I heard our baby’s heartbeat, and I remember constantly thinking “if I can just get to 13 weeks…”.

From 14-22 weeks there always seemed to be something causing me fear or crazy discomfort, and my mind was never fully able to let go of worry, although the emotional burden that the first trimester carried with it was eased significantly. Now, these last 10 weeks have flown by. Other than the little guy sitting under my right rib and pushing it out (ouch!) and rolling around on and punching my crotch periodically (double ouch!), things seem to be going well. The crotch thing can be funny, even though it’s kind of painful, because I double-over in public and put my hand over it. People must think I just have trouble controlling my bladder. IF ONLY.

I’m measuring right on track, and at every doc appt his heart rate is at least 135 if not higher. I passed my glucose test. My blood pressure is consistently good. My weight gain is looking good (28-29 lbs so far), and I have no swelling (yet). I haven’t had any real constipation (recently) or hemmorhoids, and no yeast infection problems — both of which I have had problems with even in my non-pregnant state, so I feel pretty lucky and relieved! It’s hard to shave but anything involving bending over is getting difficult. I feel the baby move every day — big movements — and I gotta say, that’s a lot of fun. It’s an experience that is unmatched! He also hiccups just about every day, and I like to put my hand on my belly and guess where his head/bottom are based on the hiccup spot.

His “lego superhero” nursery is almost done (some pictures below). J has moved on to renovating the kitchen, which he won’t let me help with or even really be around because of the dust and fumes. It’s crazy at our house right now. I actually got up at 2am a couple nights ago to sleep in my car because I could smell fumes from the cabinet wood stain solvent all the way up the stairs and through the door! We’ve had two baby showers and we have one more in July, so we’ve gotten a lot of stuff we need. Currently I’m trying to read all the “intelligent” baby books I can get my hands on, for what that’s worth, and I’m washing the little guy’s tiny clothes. Let me tell you, folding baby clothes is probably one of the most fun things I’ve ever done.

Lego Superhero posters on the nursery wall

Lego Superhero posters on the nursery wall – these are actual tiny lego characters that J photographed with his DSLR camera

Our "lego" reminiscent nursery rug

Our “lego” reminiscent nursery rug

My old dresser that J sanded down and painted red for the nursery

My old dresser that J sanded down and painted red for the nursery

My belly is pretty big. I can still get out of my chair but a lot of times J will help me up. Up until last week I could still fit into a couple of my loose pre-maternity shirts but now, not a chance. I can’t lay down for too long without struggling to breathe fully. We’ve done the hospital tour and labor/delivery classes. I love our hospital — it’s small, but the labor and delivery rooms are huge, the nursery is on the same floor as the labor rooms, and they seem to be flexible with how you want your labor to go.

My sister and sister-in-law are both doing well — they are about 16 and 17 weeks along. My sister has had some scares with cramps and stuff, but everything seems to be okay. She has to have her cervix stitched in order to carry a pregnancy to term, so she got that done a couple weeks ago, and was on bedrest for a few days afterwards. But they are both doing great.

It’s so weird, I’m actually shocked that all 3 of our pregnancies seem to be viable. After losing my first, my sister losing her baby recently, my good friend losing her first 2 babies (all within 1 year), and reading so many loss blogs continually (I still read your blogs regularly even though I don’t always comment), my mind automatically defaults to assuming most pregnancies don’t last beyond 12 weeks, if that. I know that’s not true, in fact statistically it’s just the opposite, but I’ve noticed that’s how I think now. I operate under the assumption that it’s not really real until you’re at 13-14 weeks and everything is looking good. Which I know is also not true. But I don’t know how to adjust my thinking at this point. It’s kind of sad. At the same time, I’m glad I’m no longer one of those naive, innocent women who doesn’t realize what can happen and how delicate an early pregnancy — any pregnancy — is. For years I must have said things to or around women who have struggled with loss, not knowing how hurtful my thoughts or words probably were, regardless of the fact that I had no clue back then. So I’m glad I’m at least aware now. I think there’s probably just got to be a healthy balance in how you see it. Be realistic in how often pregnancy loss happens, but be realistic in the fact that statistics are in favor of most pregnancies continuing to term. Or at least, be realistic in who God is and what He can do, if statistics aren’t necessarily on your side.

Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox now. That’s about it for my current update. And yes, my heart is about to explode! I’m so ready to meet my little guy. I just want to fly through the summer so I can look at him and hold him finally. Oh and we finally decided on a name…

Luke

Can you tell how much we like the superhero theme?? 🙂

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16 thoughts on “An update, a name, a heart that’s about to explode

  1. Wow, what a wonderful update! So happy for you and your family.
    It’s funny, after my loss and after reading all these blogs I too have the same train of thought about pregnancies not being viable. My best friend recently told me she is 11 weeks pregnant and I thought “Wow! Telling people so early! I wouldn’t tell anyone until my anatomy scan!” It’s almost like, burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice, shame on me. BUT it’s so good to read blog posts like yours that help people like me see there is some hope and that not all pregnancies end before they should. Thank you thank you thank you.

    • Thank you! I know what you mean about people spilling their news early, that really bugs me too. I just read your post about your best friend. That sucks! There is no good way to escape how you feel, and it’s a tough situation to be in. I’m sorry 😦 My sister announced a pregnancy at 7 weeks, and all I could think was “do you even remember that I lost mine just a few months ago at 11-12 weeks? I guess you think this kind of thing can’t happen to you?!” but that was just me venting in my mind… then she ended up losing the baby a few weeks later. I really think it must not hit home for people unless they lose a baby themselves. And my husband’s cousin announced her pregnancy almost right after they got the positive test, at 5 weeks. Umm, really!?!! Ugh. Anyway, I’m glad my blog can give you some hope. I hope things get better for you soon. So sorry for your loss!

  2. I am seriously so darn excited for you! I can’t wait to see pics of baby Luke. So crazy to think of how fast the past 7+ months have gone (well… looking back that is haha). Congrats again my friend. Thank you for always being there for me, even when I’m sure it hasn’t been the easiest (and when I’m at my whiniest lol). I’m all for fast forwarding a few weeks or months too if we can vote on this and make it happen.

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