April 20th, forever changed

Today is Easter.

Today is my birthday.

And today is the anniversary of my loss.

I have so much to write about, as I sit here not being able to go back to sleep, remembering so many details from that day. It will have to wait, since I’m typing this post from a tiny phone screen right now. Ironically, I’m at my parents’ house. One year ago today, my parents were at my house, and I was waking up my mom in a panic, about to head to the ER.

This year has brought me more grief — and joy — than I ever expected. Some days were impossible, but never so dark that I couldn’t see His face. God has truly pulled me from out of the pit, although not without some significant scars.

But today is Easter.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.

How appropriate that this date would fall on Easter this year — the day when God restored us, redeemed us, made us right with Him, so that we might be with Him forever. That’s how much He loved me. He gave His only Son to save me from the biggest pain of all — separation from Him. True death.

Because He lives, I am His. I will never be alone. I live in freedom from the worst things that can happen to me — not that they won’t happen, but that I have a have a God who is bigger and more powerful, mighty to save. A God who comes beside me and grieves my loss right along WITH me. Who loves my baby just as much…more…than I do. I am His child, His treasure, His delight. He sings over me!

And because He lives, my sweet child and I will be reunited. My child will never know true death either. My William…is HIS.

So I will mourn today, but I will also rejoice. Where, death, is your victory? Where, o death, is your sting?

He is Risen!


The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. — Matthew 28:5-6

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? — 1 Corinthians 15:55

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. — Isaiah 53:4-5

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. — Philippians 3:10-12


8 thoughts on “April 20th, forever changed

  1. A whole year! Where does the time go? It was a year ago today that I started my blog, on the same day as your loss and it is those two things that brought us together across the seas xx

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