In the midst of my spiritual tug-of-war-slash-epiphany this week, I got behind on my 30 days of thankfulness. Since I am still not pregnant, and since I’m currently not in my 2 week wait (thank you CD6, most boring cycle day ever), I might as well be grateful for the consolation prizes that AF brings, if you can call them that. Here’s a week’s worth of gratitude for all things I can find some relief in (whether I choose to or not), in the first half of my cycle:
1. Beer. Wine. A margarita. Just one tasty glass to sip on once or twice a week — and, if only for the hour or so that it takes me to drink it, forget that I’m still not pregnant.
2. Blue cheese and Sushi. I just love the stuff. Not together, obviously. But I love them both equally. mmm spicy tuna roll.
3. Hot Italian sausage. Technically they say you can eat it when you’re preggers as long as it’s thoroughly cooked, but next time around I’m going to be super careful. I’m enjoying it now so that’s enough for me.
4. Caffeine. Ah, the glorious cup of coffee in the morning. For years, I had 2 cups of coffee in the morning and a coke at some point during the day. That was shrunk down to only coffee — and only 1 cup — per day when I was pregnant the first time, which I was told was fine. Since my miscarriage it has become 1/2 cup of coffee per day in order for me to wean myself off of it, so that by the time I get pregnant again I can theoretically do without. Not because technically I can’t have one cup, but because again, next time, I’m going to be overly careful. Wish me luck.
5. Coloring my hair. So I’m a blonde but every year I get older, it gets darker. It’s now kind of a golden color. Every summer I like to highlight my hair, then in the fall I like to find a color close to my natural shade (yes, out of a box) and color it back to “normal,” so my roots don’t show. Both of those I would not do if pregnant.
6. Not imminently stressing about a miscarriage. This one goes without saying, and it’s a little serious, but honestly if there’s one thing I am halfway okay with about learning that I’m out another cycle, it’s that I won’t immediately panic and hold my breath every time I go to the bathroom. At least not right now. At present, my mind is mostly consumed with getting pregnant again, but miscarriage fears will definitely come back out of hiding the instant I see that second pink line. It’s a trade-off, and one is definitely not easier than the other. You worry, obsess, and imagine the worst, one way or the other. At least with both I can try to give myself a little grace to get through the insurmountable stress at hand.
7. Electric blankets. Technically I only have 6 spots to fill, but I couldn’t leave this out. I’m always cold and I’m obsessed with my heated mattress pad! If I get pregnant in the next 3 months, I’m going to have to pull all the sweatshirts out of my closet just to crawl in bed. But at that point I wouldn’t care. 🙂