J just heard back from a job he interviewed for over a month ago — a Big. Fat. NO.
I remember him coming home after the interview, he was SO excited. He basically said he’d never had an interview go so well. He told me every detail, and it did sound like it went really, really well.
UGH. So much for that.
J’s had such a bad experience with jobs the last five years (see earlier post), and my heart just breaks for him. He’s one of those people who seeks out a lot of purpose in his work, really works his butt off… and the jobs he has been in have essentially cut him off at the knees and never really allowed him to grow. They make him feel suffocated and completely disheartened, day in and day out.
To put it in perspective, the level of personal torture this has put him through is up to par with the level of torture I put myself through in TTC — but mine has only lasted 10 months. Multiply that by 4+ years.
How long will this go on, God?!!
Two very good jobs, jobs he was perfect for, were just within his grasp — and both fell to pieces. We were completely blind-sighted by the first. Sounds all too familiar.
I don’t know how to encourage him. I try, but what can you really say when your husband is hurting? All I can really do is hug him and tell him how much I love him. I can’t say this will end soon, because we don’t know that. I like to be comforted, for people to talk my struggles through with me; it’s in my nature. But he’s very different. He may open up about it with me, but he doesn’t necessarily want to talk it out. That just makes him feel worse, makes him feel defeated. I can’t talk about God’s bigger plan right now, because I know I wouldn’t want that shoved in my face the day I got a crushing blow. That’s the kind of thing you may see for yourself, down the road, but not for someone to point out when you come home broken.
It’s just frustrating that we’re fervently praying about this, have been for years, and door after door just gets slammed in his face. I’m sure it’s for the best but right now I just can’t see it. Like I said before, I know God is up to something big, I just don’t know what. We have faith. We have hope. We’re just so tired.
This year has been one of the worst for him, with two huge let downs. Compound that with our miscarriage and TTC again, and 2013 has just been ugly. The year to endure. The year of holding our breath.
I guess all I can do is keep praying…keep trusting. I’m sure one day we’ll look back on this and see God’s hand in it, see that it was worth it. His Word promises that He makes everything beautiful in its time.
Clinging to that…