This is probably my favorite post I’ve done in a while. And it has nothing to do with me.
One of my good friends just told me she’s 12 weeks pregnant. I am THRILLED.
Let me explain.
If anyone else had called me last night and told me they were pregnant, it would have been a hard pill to swallow. My first emotions wouldn’t be joy or excitement, they would be sadness, frustration, and (okay I’ll admit it) jealousy. It’s not exactly pretty, but it’s true. It’s tough seeing so many pregnancy announcements right now. But with not this friend.
I am over the moon for her!!!
She and her husband have been trying for two years to get pregnant. I haven’t written about her very much on here, I’m not sure why. She has PCOS, is 36, and has been through two rounds of IVF — both of which became pregnancies, both of which she lost (one at I think around 6 weeks, the next at around 11-12 weeks).
When she got pregnant the second time, she told me at 8 weeks. She was so excited to share the news, as they had passed the dreaded 6-week mark of the last loss and things were looking good. She was hopeful and allowed herself to be excited. I remember wanting to tell her we were trying, but more than that, wanting her to have her moment. I kept quiet.
My heart just broke for her when she told me that they didn’t hear a heartbeat at their 11 week appointment. We had dinner with them just two nights before that appointment, and they were so excited and relieved to be moving along okay. That was in January. At this point, she still didn’t know J and I were trying. I definitely didn’t want to throw that in the mix.
I never told her I was pregnant. We had dinner with her and her husband when I was around 10 weeks, and I almost told her, but just couldn’t at the moment. I had to think of a good way to tell her, and I would before 12 weeks. I just didn’t want her to be sad, which seeing it from the other side now, is pretty much inevitable. There is no good way to tell your friend struggling with infertility that you’re pregnant. Avoiding the topic altogether is pretty much the worst thing you can do, but that’s a topic for another day…
When I miscarried in April, I finally told her. She let me cry on her shoulder. Since then, she has been there for me, and I her. She told me she was taking a break from IVF, if only for a little while, and was doing things like acupuncture, yoga, and starting a book club to keep herself distracted from all of her struggles and grief. She has not only kept her faith in God but has grown in it, minus throwing out a cuss word or two (don’t we all! haha). I admired her while struggling in my own journey to get and stay pregnant, and I strive to be like her.
Fast forward through the spring and summer. She called me last night to share her pregnancy news. She had an embryo transfer in early June, and she is now 12 weeks pregnant. It was so sweet when she called, she said that she wanted to tell me in a more personal way than just through e-mail (we don’t usually call each other). She said they had just told their families the night before. And…she wanted to know how I was handling her news.
How I was! Can you believe that?
I have not been on nearly as treacherous a journey as she has. Two years, and battling infertility. It has taken them real work and real sacrifice to get and stay pregnant, not to mention sheer strength, real faith, and gut-wrenching patience. I can’t imagine that. And she wanted to see how I was doing with her news.
I am so beyond thrilled for her, and I will be praying everyday that this baby grows, stays healthy, and that she makes it to her due date in February. I think I want this for her more than I want to be pregnant myself!
She told me she wants us to be pregnant together. I told her we were working on it! 😉