Well that took all week…

OPK picture 1

It’s hard to see in this picture, but I think I finally got a positive OPK today. It may not quite be dark enough, but it’s pretty much there and all 5 days preceding are much lighter than today. So it does show my LH is higher than the rest of the week. I’m calling it my surge. Today is CD16.

Oh, and I’ve been spotting the last couple of days. Prior to my miscarriage, I never really spotted between periods. Guess that’s just my hormones still adjusting, but I’ve read threads where other women who recently miscarried have had that happen to them where it didn’t happen before. So no big deal… in fact, it apparently can be a sign of ovulation, or impending ovulation. Let’s hope so. 🙂

Sometimes the lighting prevents a readable picture of these — it’s hard to see the lines accurately. This one might be a bit better. I can clearly see two lines on Thursday (today), whereas I can barely see a line at all on M, Tu, Wed.

TH 7-18-13

So I had these OPKs left over from TTC the last time, and I decided to use them up. I don’t really want to do these next month if we don’t conceive right away, because they put way too much control in my hands — or at least, the perception of control. It makes me anxious, thinking about it all the time (as if that will go away, though), and makes me want it too much (as if that will go away, either). Even though it’s always on my mind and I can’t control how much I want it, this extra step is a bit too much for me to handle right now. If it’s one thing I’ve learned from this whole ordeal it’s that you can’t control when you get pregnant! That, and you can really read your body and know when you’re ovulating, anyway. I can tell you right now that all week I haven’t seen EWCM, which is a clear-cut sign. Not that we’d wait until we saw that, but I would step it up about the time it arrived. And it hasn’t arrived yet.

Not to mention that I got pregnant when I thought I wouldn’t last time. (Isn’t that the story everyone has?) The first month (January 2013), I used OPKs religiously, got my positive around the middle of my cycle when it was pretty much expected (CD15), and did the deed three days in a row. We never really have sex two days in a row, let alone three. I wore my poor husband out, who shouldn’t have had to rise to that kind of pressure.

The next month, I had my wisdom teeth taken out at the beginning of my cycle. They used a general anesthesia (which I’ve never been under) and I was on preventative antibiotics for a week afterwards, just to avoid infection. I used OPKs again and thought I would ovulate around the middle of my cycle–you know, around CD14-16. Wrong. I ran out of OPKs and didn’t want to spend the money on more, so I decided to wing it for another few days. I kind of wondered if I would ever ovulate, as days were passing, and sometime in there J and I had a kind of intense discussion/argument, and we didn’t have sex for like 4-5 days. I kind of gave up on that month. We had sex here and there, but I was totally convinced we missed our window — not to mention I thought the anesthesia and antibiotics were messing with my hormones that month and who knows if I even ovulated. Well, I apparently O’d on CD23 (that’s right, 23). February 11th. To my amazement, we got pregnant. I’ll never forget that date — the date we conceived our precious son.

So it just goes to show you can’t control everything, you don’t know everything, and God is in complete control.

Here’s to the freedom that comes from giving God control of something! To trusting Him when you don’t know, you can’t know, your intellect tells you it’s not likely or not even possible, you think all is lost… and everything in between. He is sovereign over this. I can throw my hands in the air and release it to Him, letting out a big sigh of relief. Ahh…

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