I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Some faith stuff (a crisis of faith, really, but I don’t really want to share about that right now). Some “how do I get it all done” day-to-day stuff. But mostly this Planned Parenthood stuff.
I read (and watch, if excruciatingly) everything I can get my hands on related to the ongoing Planned Parenthood exposé. And while I should have always known what happens, I am still finding myself overwhelmingly heartbroken, burdened, and outraged. These words don’t even begin to really describe how I feel about all of this. I sob as I watch and read, sometimes for hours and days afterwards, and my heart bursts with love and grief for those children (“tissue,” they barbarically call them) that we see in the videos.
I’ve always wanted to be a real part of the fight to save the unborn, but my passion has recently been re-lit. I am finding in myself the urge to truly DO something. Something tangible. Something that MATTERS.
Did you catch the tribute Kathie Lee Gifford gave to her late husband on national TV the other day? She talked about the primary “stone” we throw in our life. “What is your stone and where are you going to throw it?…Ask yourself, what is the gift that only [you] can do in this world to make it a better place,” she says. “…And then, spend the rest of your life trying to throw it well.”
Simple, yet profound. It makes you want to drop everything, re-evaluate where you are right at this moment, and re-direct your life towards throwing YOUR stone with your whole heart. The stone only *you* can throw.
I feel–no, I KNOW–that this is my stone.
Fighting for the unborn. Saving their lives. Returning to them their dignity and humanity. Helping women in crisis pregnancies to choose life–and offering them real help and solutions. Helping to heal those that regret their abortions and suffer from severe grief and (sometimes) lifelong trauma. Putting an end to this horrific “industry” altogether.
I keep thinking that my intensified emotions surrounding this Planned Parenthood news and abortion in general stem from my being a mother — in some ways as a mother of a living child, and in some ways as a mother of one forever lost. I know the deep love for both, but I also know the deep pain of losing a child in the womb. I actually felt like I was reliving my miscarriage when I saw the 11.6 week-gestated baby in the 3rd video. That was exactly when I miscarried William — between 11 and 12 weeks. Seeing that innocent, tiny baby, witnessing what was done to him (or her), my heart just exploded with grief, love, my own memories… so, so much.
I can’t think of anything I have ever been more passionate about in my life. I have an overwhelming desire to act. To not stay silent. To speak for those who cannot…those who deserve justice. I guess you know it’s your stone when there’s a seemingly unquenchable fire inside you that you can’t explain.
So… what’s your stone?
More on all of this later I guess. Maybe even another blog.
My blog for Luke never really got off the ground, because well, it’s been a busy year to say the least!
…Along those lines, Luke just turned one. August 13th. So hard to believe…how fast time flies! I am actually more excited about the toddler stage than the baby stage. This kid is just awesome. I can’t wait to witness his personality unfold even more, to watch him discover new things, to experience the different stages of mother-and-son bonding with him. He’s my beautiful, beautiful boy.
Anyway, once I get my thoughts together on everything I will probably find some way to write again. Maybe on Luke’s blog. Maybe on this one. Maybe on a whole new one, one about my “stone.” Not sure yet, but stay tuned.
For now, here’s a recent photo of my not-so-baby boy. Happy 1st birthday, dear one. I can’t even imagine not choosing LIFE. We longed for you, we treasure you, and you are loved more than you know.